jhalmars got moves

I would guess about now people are wonderin g what i am doing, but before i start this let me warn you that i am using possibly the shittiest key board in exsistence, the keys dont push down, and i also have no patience for  corrections so sorry in advanced. i will try my best...

Tuesday and thursdays at 4pm i teach an arobics class in the tiny village. I get between 4 to 8 women each class. On Thursdays i have my best friend here come in a do dance thearpy for half the class. the women love it, and its hilarious. My classes are a combination of rugby workout, and P90x. Those women are crying by the end, its actually very satisfying. We are on the ground, and up in seconds, high knees, boxings and doing planks. All which lasts about an hour. The women range from 25 to 50 none of whom have ever thrown a punch in their lives, nor have wanted to. So the boxing part of the session is more like fairy dancng with swingnig arms and pointed toes. I have kinda of given up on correct form and have concentreated more on trying to make a women that has lived on the equator her whole life sweat. Its like they dont have glands or something, i am there in the front with two towels and puddle around my feet and these women look like they are ready to go out for the night. Let me remind you it is the cold season still,  i have no idea what i am going to do once it gets hot, bring a kiddie pool or something, and two changes of clothes. But i have succeeded, a couple times i saw a small sweat spot on the back of their shirts, i was pumped.

Then there is thursday class with jahlmar. The moves this kid has would but shakira to shame, no joke. And the new fad in south america is reaggeton. Now is the time to youtube latin reaggeton videos. In case you dont have time, girls and guys of all ages come together on the dance floor and literally have the raunchiest sex with their clothes on. I am talking doggie style, missionary, and 69. I thought the dance floor at bentlys was bad but i have never seen such blantant sexual pelvis moving as i have seen here. So why am i talking about this, well Jhalmar on thursdays for half an hour teaches mothers with 5 kids how to do these moves. We are on the ground, over chairs, face down, going in circles jirating our vaginal areas, it is so uncomfortable its hilrious. These women like most people in the world were not blessed with the possibility to forcefully ossilate the pelvis while shaking the ass and the tits. Lets just say its hard. I am one of the most advanced of the ladies and i look like i am having a seziure. Anyway if you can buy a plane ticket and see for yourself its just that ridiculous.

As for other things i am doing, i started a community bank, and am putting together a world aids day celebration with a parade and activies during the day to educate. Hopefully it will go well. i am also trying to put together a womens soccer league cant wait till they realize that i dont know how to play. I have a speed walking group, they go mid mall pace their little tiny legs just dont permit for speed walking, i am just glad they come. i also ran a ¨"marathon" for the professors of the high schools, it was like 2 to 3 miles, got second in that bitch, took home a trophy. Not gonna lie i have blood on my hands it was totally not fair, these women have never ran further than the bus, and i am not even a teacher, i never even go to the high school, it just so happened i showed up the week of the race and they coerced me into running. I am really happy i did not take home first, they probably would have jumped me.

My puppy is getting bigger still adorable, and i broke up with ecua novio but i think we are still together, it did not work out as i had planned, but hey i have clean clothes thanks to his mom (really awkward), and he is teaching me to make ceviche! There are also an ennumerable amount of rumors about us, i was told we are the number one topic on convo of people in town. I supposedly buy him new clothes, and give him money when he wants, and bother him so much he is obligated to be with me. I also apparently hand fed him bread while walking down the street and he spends every night in my house oh and we are getting married. there are probabyl more that i have not heard yet, i asked him where my ring was. This was all told to me by my host mom who heard it from my host dad who came home very upset saying, "guess what they are saying about our doughter, i cant let them say these things about her" I love them. and it sounds like nothing but this is real serious stuff, novios are not allowed to spend time together alone, let alone stay the night. The questin then arises, how do all these 14 year olds get preggers... i think i am going to give a lesson on birth control and condoms, they will probably believe me now seeings how they think i am have outrageous sex and yet still not pregnant :) Yes there is always an up side.  i guess next time i break up with him i am going to have to do some translation.com look up on how to make it more clear.

anyway love you all, oh and aparently i have lost weight, people comment everyday, i put sole reasoning on the fact that i am not eating a vat of rice everyday now that i live on my own, but keep the compliments coming, its great :)

a whole new year

I am 23 now, seems crazy I remember like it was yesterday turning 21 and heading to Bently’s, miss that. But things change, people change, I have changed. For this entry I am going to do a little review of my past year and then a synopsis of what is new.

A year ago I moved home to reading Pennsylvania to spend my last couple months with my parents before I left the country for 2+ years. Well at least that’s what I told Faith and Mike. In reality I had just spent a summer at the beach with my bff Maggie renting bikes to tourist at the incredible rate of $7.50 an hour for about 25 hours a week and spending the rest of those hours at the Chincoteague inn, golfing and people watching on the best beach in history to partake in such activity. Therefore putting me into a good amount of debt that had to be paid back by the time I left, February. Best option was to live with mom and dad.

So I headed home but stopped by a rugby tournament on the way and accidentally messed up my knee once again putting me on crutches and an immobilizer. Really no surprise there. So in my great attempt to both make money and rehabilitate I got a job at the local meat head “I do roids” station called LA Fitness. I had worked at a gym before in the frat row district in college so I knew my way around the power shakes and boneless skinless grilled chicken diet but never had I encountered such beings that work in a LA Fitness, I said wtf at least 10 times a shift, that plus I was straight up awful at the job, so it was only a 2 month gig .  I then moved on to bigger better positions, one as a sales attendant at Clarks shoe stores and as a waitress at the Rugby Tuesdays in a mall. I worked my ass off seeing how I was in even bigger debt.

It was about November or Decemberish that I got a call from peace corps saying that things got messed up and my departure date was not for another 6 months, but they had a position leaving in February for South America if I wanted it. Though pretty far away from my original plan of Africa working in health, I bought a bottle or two of wine, and invited my bff Beth over to decide with me. Peace Corps gave me two days to decide my fate. Well not hard to put together, I obviously decided that maybe with wine I can speak Spanish and that this was a sign of fate pulling me away from my long time goal of living in Africa. Thanks Beth, I have not regretted it yet.

By February I had pulled myself out of debt, even had some cash in the bank, could size a person’s foot by the sound of their step and knew exactly how cheap the bastards are that live in Reading PA. So yeah I was about ready to leave, plus my faithful car’s heater pooped out on me mid January in the coldest winter PA has had in decades. I packed my bags and alligator and moved far far away. From that point on I think I have it all written in the blogs before this, so if you need to catch up feel free to scroll upwards. Put in short, one of the most sweaty, and tallest Americans was put at zero altitude directly on the equator and told to try to make friends. Against all odds it worked!

Now for what is new. I turned 23, have my very own house (think jail cell) its made out of cement and has bars on the windows but I love my house. I teach aerobics classes in Spanish on Tuesdays and Thursdays . I have my very own garden with some tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, squash, and well I am not really sure. I know what compost is and I have made some. But that’s all well and good, the more important things are that on my birthday I brought home a puppy! The cutest little shit in the world. I named her Isla, that means island, yeah I know its not a name but its her name. She has no race just mutt, officially has gone outside to poop but refuses to pee anywhere but the kitchen floor. But as you sigh don’t forget that my awesome house is made completely out of cement, so who really cares how many times she pees on it, its not like it will get uglier. Isla also has a bad case of fleas and ticks, I call it a fiesta here at my house, with all the wildlife running around. But she is the most adorable little thing that pees when she gets scared/nervous which is exactly what I do so yeah we are life partners.

Second new thing in my life is my Ecua-novio. Ecua for Ecuador, novio for boyfriend. His name is Kleber, which is pronounced clever, now don’t get too excited, this is nothing big or realistic. It is though the best way to learn Spanish, and keep other cat calling men at bay. If you can remember from my other blog, Kleber is the guy I described as the tall one. He is approximately my height, is the only guy in my town with bigger feet than me and thinks I am really cool, therefore puts up with all the times I ask “what?” We will see how this goes… Also if there is a six figure income making guy reading my blog thinking I am the one for him, I want to make it clear that I am very much still on the market J

Oh and before I forget to mention,  I think the purpose of Peace Corps is to make girls like me a little more domesticated, you should see what I have popped out of my kitchen. Some top notch stuff, plus that whole cleaning and putting your shit away after you use it, I had no idea I could ever be this person, well I should say, I had no idea I could ever be my mom J